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*prosaix: And then people wonder why bookstores will be extinct in a few years

~kitsumekat: Borders is gone.

*prosaix: Don't let the Mexicans know

~kitsumekat: Too late on that one.

~OmahaNebraska: And that's how it's done kids, hot damn.

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~rockstar1009: "Just because your new roommate is a large dude with a beard doesn't mean he's going to sexually assault you"

That's what the English told themselves about the Vikings...

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=Shockity: [link]

=CrimsonMagpie: Russia seems to be one of those places where everyone is angry about everything and everyone. Do they all have two-inch penises or something?

=Shockity: Little angry boners. Daww.

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~juliaGENOCIDE: Hah, you've only got to worry about spiders. I have to lift my feet up whenever I go to the bathroom because my house is crawling with solpugids.


=Doomsday-device: OH FUCKWHATISTHATGIANTFUCKINGTHING

~darkanddefiant: NOPE. DIDN'T NEED TO SLEEP TONIGHT.
NOPE NOPE NOPE.

~NecroWaddle:
fuck you
FUCK YOU
FUCK YOU

that's so fucking creepy. dear god why

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About ~ProudToBeAsian22

~ThereAreNoTurkeys: If it makes you feel any better, that's probably his only topic of conversation IRL

Hot chick: Hi, you look handsome, can I buy you a drink?
PTBA: Stupid fat white girls need to stop dressing as Haruhi.

Drive-Thru guy: Hi, welcome to McDonald's, would you like to try our new shit-flavored snack wrap?
PTBA: Asians are better at cosplay.

Police officer: Are you aware that you were going 70 mph in a residential zone?
PTBA: Are you aware that Americans look like shit when they try to be Asian?

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=devilious-red: WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA?

~sbkMulletMan: Some drowned whore with a fruit hat.

Leave her there.

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~BIRDJESUS: PRAISE THE ALMIGHTY BIRD OF GOD. And follow the 10 Birdmandments:

1. Thou shalt honor no bird before Birdjesus.
2. Thou shalt fly south for the winter.
3. Thou shalt not peck thy neighbor.
4. Thou shalt not fly into windows.
5. Thou shalt honor the Flynal Day.
6. Thou shalt not use Birdjesus' name in feathered frenzy.
7. Thou shalt bow down.
8. Thou shalt not steal seed.
9. The early bird shall get the worm.
10. The late bird shall live forever in Birdhell.

~Co-Phantom: What exactly is a Birdjesus?

~BIRDJESUS: I AM BIRDJESUS, INFIDEL.

~Co-Phantom: Oh, alright.

~BIRDJESUS: PRAISE THE BIRD OF GOD. KEEP HOLY THE NESTING DAY.

~Co-Phantom: But I'm a human, not a bird.

~BIRDJESUS: INFIDEL.

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On 'Praise pretty girls'

~carterman: You know the Einstein quote about how having your hand on a stove for a minute feels like an hour, but holding hands with a pretty girl for an hour feels like a minute? I just found that out, literally. My friend was having a B-day party and me and a girl hit it off. During the movie, our hands slowly moved closer until they were together. We sat like that until the entire movie was done. Random story, but if you have one like it you are welcome to share

=J-Z-Belexes You can't properly verify that statement until you've put your hand on a stove for a minute.

Do it.

~carterman: Well this post has apparently attracted a troll infestation. Do I keep them under the bridge? What do I feed them? it's like having really creepy pets.

~HappyDuckCreator: THEY MAKE MY PENIS RISE VERTICALLY AND INCREASE IN LENGH.

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*Ondomblodore: I call your bold and raise you some italics.

~MaskedGuardian: I see your italics, and raise you one underline.

~defaultking: I see your underline and raise you strikethrough.

~MaskedGuardian: You forgot the underline, so this sentence still trumps.

*Ondomblodore: I see your underline and raise you one strikeout



~MaskedGuardian: Ȋ̴̤͔͍̯̗̰͎̗̰̱̟̪̟̠͚̥̲̘̓̂̇̄̒̏̿ͬͭ͋͊ͯͣ ̨͒͗́̂̎ͭ̾̏̃̐̈̅͛̅͊͋̓̚͏̸̶̧̦̭͚̤̲̦͚̘͚̩̤̤̜ş̷̈ͧ̂̋͒̂̾ͫ̆̏̏͌ͬ̄͌͆̆ͮ̾͟͏̗̝͎̝̫͓̹̘̳̖̖͕̜̲̦̪͙e̷̮̹̫͇͎̖͉͙̥̲̙̼̺͔͎̾̿͊̍͘͟ê̱̯͔̖̲̥ͥͫ͑ͦ͒̀͘͡͠ͅ ̴̵̰̙̯̜̖̦͙͎͙̰̫̬̥̦͖͍̤̙͋̂̌̔̔ͦ̾̿̾̄̅͛ͣ̋͢y̵̷̢͖̜̙̟̭͍̪͖̝̩̰̗̳̠̦̞ͦ͛̐̇o̷ͥ̌͗ͧ̇ͤͩ̇͑̀̐̇̇͌ͦͫ́́҉͉̠̘͕͈̮͎̺̝̦̣̦̻uͣ͑͌ͮ͐̈ͤ̅̔̊̉ͭ̚҉̸̥͙͈͖̲͉̯̳͖̥̯͖͙̝̕͝͞ͅͅr̵͖̝̱̫̺͙̼̲̖͎̼̞̞̹̳̣͐̂ͬͯͩ͒̉̔̊͐͑̋̏͊ͣ̋̈́̂͘͝͠ ̸̢͕̠͍̤̭̞̫̜̻̘̟̟̤͇̖͉̫̠͗ͭ͌ͥ̒̐͆́̚͟ͅs̄̉̓̅͑̉͡͏̴͚̫̣̠͡t̨̡ͧͬ̉̏ͭͧ̉͋ͩ̑ͯ̾͆͒ͨ҉̦̟̞̱̻͍̹͓̱͉̺̰̣̟̣ŗ̱̠͙̱̤̪ͩ̄̍̐͊ͦͥ͋̔ͧͨ̔͑ͫ̾̚͞i̷̙͉̲̰̠̞̯̱͔̠̰̗̪̬̎ͧͭ̒͑̓̏̋̽̊̾͌̽ͪͭͭ̃͜͠͞͠ͅͅǩ̷̡͇̱̫̫̭͓̹̠̫̘̞̜͍̪̖̩ͤ̅̓͐̿ͤͯͦͮ̏ͯ̈ͦ́͠ę̍̐̉ͫ̌̽̌ͥͤͩͭ̔̅̑̓̂͆ͫ̐͏̣͍̫͉̗͓͓̤͖͈͜ͅơ̦͕͇̼͎͉̭̯̪̤͉̂̑̀͆͂̂̓͌́͘͢͟ͅͅu̷̙͓̣̰͕̗̹̘ͤ̅͐ͫ̀̑ͧ̋ͭͪ̆͡t̷̨̬̩̪̣ͯ͑͆̐̒̅̋̅͋ͯ̈̄̚͠͞ ̨̙̟̹̖͉̻̻͕̜̳̙̳̖̞͇̮̊̇̃͊͆ͣ͌͂̑̂̚͠͠ͅa̡̢̧̲̗̲̲̗̬͕̹̫̻̱̺̽̅̄́ͮ̓ͥ̀̍̂̽ͮ̅͘͟n̅͐̆̆̋ͪ̊̄ͩ̾͏̡̡͈̖͓̯̯̦̟͎͎̪͕͕̬̖͘͘d̔ͩ̓̃ͭ̄ͣ̒̆ͪ̔͛͏̷̶͎̬̹̖̝̫̠̼̠̕̕ͅ ̧̮̗̲̲̙̻̖̪̼̪ͬ͂̿̍͌́̚̚͝ͅŗ̙͇͙̠̮̼̐̾ͯ̾͑̌̚̕̕ą̵̛͔͔̠͚̭̩͚̭̱̟̳̭̳͇̤̀ͨ͐ͤͫ͑ͤ͑̒̃ͣͭ͛̀͜i̓̍̋ͭ͐ͯ̉͆̆ͭ̓͊̒́̚̚͜͡҉͍̰͈͙̮̫͙͎̹̙̝̙̫̲̦ͅs͓͈̼̗̝̳̙͔͉͕͚͈͉͎̯ͪͣ̾̍ͩ̓̉̂́̈ͪ͌́̀͢ͅͅͅẻ͉̗͔̘̲̳̣͇̯̠̙̔̀ͤ̈̽̓͗͋̈̾͜͢͞ ̨̜͎̟̘̹̊̾ͦͨ̊̒͒̎́͢͝y̷̧̻̖̲̣̜̭̮͕͆ͪ͗ͣ̍̐̇͐ͬ̏ͭ͛ͫ͂ȏ̴̡̫̼̥̹̫̪̻̭̠̦̒̾̆u̡̔ͣͯͭ̔̚҉̞͕͎̖͖̳̯͘ ̵̷̠̟̳̝̘̙̱̘̳͕̻̪̻͕̝̬̠̰ͤ͆͊͊ͬ͐̕͞ô̮͈̹̺̥̺̰̄ͣͬ͡͝͞n̈́ͫ̀ͩ͗̓̀̀͒ͨͪ̈̿͂͛ͭ͟͠͏͏̱̮̣̣̮̰̝͔̫̤͎̫͟e͛̎̿ͮ̈ͭ̿̚̕͞҉̷͖͖̪̩̙̤ ̻̟̥͍̦͙̯̹̳̙ͪͥ̐͆͛̈́͜͢͟Z̈́ͯͫͨ͐ͣ͐̇̍̈̃͆̐̊̕͏̞̼͕̩̞̰͔̦ͅa̡̹̗̙͇̝̎͋̍̓̋̀͛͞l̶̡̨̫͓̙͓͔̫̒͐͐̽ͮ̀́g̢̩͉̰̯̘͔̝̺̯̪̦̬̯̜̪͙̲͉̼̿̔̈́̈́̈ͯ̒̚͜ơ̶̸̯̩̦̻ͯ͑ͫ͐̊̊̏ͤͤ͗̑̏ͭ̎̂̋ͦ͊̚͢.̣̣̘͉͉̹̖̰̝ͭ̇̏̚͜ͅ



*Ondomblodore: Okay you win.

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^bohobella: Oh, and on the subject of diabeetus, diabeetus man doesn't even have diabetes. He hasn't even been diagnosed with pre-diabetes, he self-diagnosed himself without even a blood test. He has high cholesterol, though, or so he claims. Since this is getting long, I'll end it on some great quotes related to health he's said:

"I hate tuna, but I need to eat healthy. That's why I get it and put sauce on it." His sandwich is drowning in mayo and our oil-based sauce which is about 20 grams of fat/2 oz. He gets two cups of 2oz each, plus about 4oz on his sandwich itself.

"I don't want tuna today. Oh, I had McDonalds today. I'll have to get a tuna."

"I ate healthy all day so today I'm getting the Gino." The gino has some of the most meats, pepperoni cheese and salami.

"I thought girls love tuna. Tuna is healthy, it's for girls."

*ApocalypsePonii: ON A TUNA-RELATED NOTE, I USED TO EAT TUNA ALL THE TIME AS A LITTLE GIRL AND ONE DAY MY PARENTS TOOK ME TO THE MONTEREY BAY AQUARIUM AND I STOOD RIGHT IN FRONT OF A HUGE-ASS TANK WITH A BUNCH OF TUNA AND SHARKS (I SAW THEIR GREAT WHITE SHARK; IT WAS AWESOME) AND THESE FUCKING BLUEFIN TUNA KEPT SWIMMING UP TO ME, LOOKING ME IN THE EYE, AND SWIMMING AWAY

I FELT SO GUILTY

AND ALSO SOMEWHAT HUNGRY

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